


And you bring me back, so I can break again

by Neneko



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Bugs & Insects, Character Study, Codependency, Drug Use, Gen, Guilt, Hallucinations, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Pre-Season/Series 01, Prostitution, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, bad trips, i mean it's klaus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26713756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neneko/pseuds/Neneko
Summary: A character study to explore the darkest (read: unhealthiest) side of Diego and Klaus' relationship, pre-series. Featuring: prostitution, bad trips and not so quiet discussion at dawn with your ghostly brother when your other brother is sleeping the sleep of the righteous after saving your ass, you know, the usual."Everytime he messes up, Klaus is sure it's gonna be the last one… but then Diego forgives him. "You're my brother" he keeps saying matter-of-facts, like their bond ifself is strong enough to mend every wounds. Klaus, he just smiles, saccharine and sharp, and wonders if his next mistake will be enough to tear them apart.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 26





	And you bring me back, so I can break again

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Before you start, just a reminder: this fics mentions stuff like prostitutions, drugs and bad trips, as well as  
> (imaginary) bugs. It's nothing heavy, but if that's a no-no for you please be aware! ❤️

Klaus lays on the couch, eyes wide open in the dim, pinkish lights of the dawn. The boiler room is quiet, its low buzzing the kind of white noise designed to help you fall asleep in, like, a split second. It doesn't work on him. _Figures_. Diego _au contraire_ , he's sleeping, the rhythm of his breathing even and scarily conforting. Maybe, he considers, finding confort in something so inane has to do with Klaus spending the last ten hours lost in a bad trip.

The details are a bit fuzzy around the edges (well, understandable) but he does remember how it starts: there he is, slumped on another couch -a much more expensive one, the deep, rich burgundy such a stark contrast to the fairness of his naked skin. Who cares if that paleness is born from the never-ending exhaustion that haunts -hah!- him...? Not the Sugar Daddy of the night, that's for sure; he's pleased, and that's enough for now. Klaus stretches under his hungry scrutiny, savouring his role as the eye candy as much as _kissing Lucy goodbye_ , feeling her slowly dissolving on his tongue. Daddy-what's-his-name fucks him through the start of his high, with all the laziness of a man who has his life figured (crazy).

Then the walls of the privé start to melt and warp, the room becoming smaller and smaller with each pained breath; bruises-like patterns dancing behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes, when he _has_ to close them, but it's even worse, and there's something crawling under his skin, and Klaus is scared, scared… but he doesn't scream yet, not until he opens his eyes again and sees the cockroaches spreading on his body, gushing from oh so many wounds on his arms, his legs, his naked, vulnerable belly-- yeah, he screams then, and his John (it is what it is) is screaming too, because he must have kicked him or something in his frenzy, and from then on, Klaus doesn't really know.

But that was before.

Now there's Diego, who must have found him on the street outside the Lounge during... let's call it his part-time job (Diego's, not Klaus'), and took him to the gym. He could be sleeping now, but he spent what was left of the night by his side, making sure Klaus wasn't going to hurt himself, lulling him while he was crying and shivering into the crook of Diego's neck, _it's all right, I'm here, focus on what's real..._

Protecting Klaus even from himself, or trying to. That's Diego job for you.

He does his best to try and look the pinnacle of masculinity (the bad kind which comes with a side of hiding your emotions and breaking a hole in a wall to show how strong you are), Klaus knows how hard he tries, but in the end he's just… not very good at it. Not with the way he watches over Klaus; big, sad eyes following him like a puppy whose growls sound scary only if you don't know how much he likes to have his belly scratched. Obviously a big, menacing one, a Rottweiler or a Pitbull or… another scary breed, you got it, but still a puppy.

Klaus knows it, and he knows _him_. Problem is, sometimes (well, most of the times) the knowledge that Diego's going to protect him no matter what -that he's gonna find him when Klaus's at his worst, that he'll be there, willing to help him put the shards of his soul back together in the vague resemblance of a human being… it makes him stupidly reckless.

____

Everytime he messes up, Klaus is sure it's gonna be the last one… but then Diego forgives him, again and again and again… grumbling and putting up a front like his life depends by it, yeah, but he still falls for Klaus' bullshit _every fucking time_ , so much that's become ridiculous. "You're my brother" he keeps saying matter-of-facts, like their bond ifself is strong enough to mend every wounds. Klaus, he just smiles, saccharine and sharp, and wonders if his next mistake will be enough to tear them apart.

____

Diego, he's his -not in a Luther-and-Allison way, of course, leave the pseudo-incest to them (for fuck's sake, it's complicated enough as it is without adding another couple of siblings in the mix) but he still belongs to Klaus, without an ounce of doubt. Klaus… he doesn't even belong to himself. A corpse among the living and a beacon for the dead, complete with a ghost as a companion for their shared eternity (courtesy of his inability of letting Ben go).

____

He walks on the thin line that separates death and life, one foot always in the ~~grave~~ darkness that oozes from the Veil. His heart is tinged with it, it has been since he can remember; it lies beside the love he feels for Diego, and Benji, and the rest of his family he hasn't met in years… so close that sometimes the two feelings end up mingled together so well it's impossible to tell when one ends and the other starts.

____

He can't keep himself from stretching their connection (their _bound_ ) to see what happens, even if it ends hurting both him and Diego in the process. Such morbid fascination has to be expected from someone like Klaus: he's a flawed, petty, wicked creature. Diego is not a saint himself; but a martyr, he surely is, and even if his affection's honest and unwavering -Klaus doesn't doubt that- the need to be recognized as the hero Daddy dearest told him he was going to become, is what makes him tick in the first place. _Who is a good boy? Who is? You are!_

____

A life together made him able to read his brother like an open book. What Diego wants is a damsel in distress to his white knight: how lucky of him that swooning appears to be one of Klaus' many talents, and flattery his mother tongue. He'd call him everything Diego needs to hear: _my hero, so strong and mighty, my beloved hermano._ It's not like he's lying, after all.

__Yeah, of course he recognizes a codependent relationship when he sees one. He's not _that_ stupid, thank you and _good bye_. But if it works it works, doesn't it?_ _

"Does it, though?" Ben pipes up. Klaus doesn't even flinch; he's used to him appearing not-so-unexpectedly. He lift his head just enough to give him a look, them lets gravity pull him back on the couch with a muffled huff. Ben is sitting on Diego's tiny kitchen counter, legs and arms crossed like he's a ghostly origami or something. "Oh, you're already back." Usually, it means it's time for another hit. Ghosts are like cherries, one leads to another. If Ben is back, then others are going to be there pretty soon, and he's too tired to let them scream in his hears without something to (at least) dampen their voice.

__"You could _pretend_ to be happy to see me, you know."_ _

Klaus snorts, waving his _hello_ hand just once before resting it on his burning eyes. "I am, brother dear, trust me, but your kind is a noisy bunch and I need my beauty sleep." Klaus was like, four or five when he last had a proper night of sleep, but there's not hurt in pretending. _Is it, though?_ he can almost hear again, but it's only his conscience this time (his actual conscience, he means, not the brother-shaped one).

____

Most of the time, Ben seems to be in tune with Klaus' feelings more than Klaus himself. It's all the-shit-he-takes' fault, he swears, sometimes it's hard to understand how he feels about things, his nervous system (or whatsoever, he's not a doctor) so fucked it keeps giving him mixed signals.

____

"Then you shold stop taking them." Ben's voice is stern but low, like he's trying not to wake up Diego. It's kind of him, but also pretty stupid, because… _dead_. Oh, so Klaus talked out loud again -it happens sometimes. _You're alone most of the time, no wonder, it's nothing to be ashamed of_ has said him a therapist once while he has been in rehab, and Ben has been so offended with her, _alone, like, I'm nobody?!_ It was long ago, when Ben's death still was a raw wound for the both of them, before the Veil and drugs would dullen most of their emotions. They're not so different, after all. Klaus rolls his eyes."Alright alright alright, Ghosty, I don't remember asking for your opinion."

__"Well, you're the one who required my presence in the first place."_ _

Yeah, like Klaus could forget that. God, his head hurts. Has he puked? He thinks he needs to puke, but what he would really love is for Ben to _shut the fuck up and let him live his life in peace!_ "I did it once! It was just once and look what it gave me! You never piss off, never! Did you watch me getting riled up by what's his name again, did you, you pervert? I'm swearing, you and Diego ganked up behind my back…!"

____

Ben's mouth is a thin line, the way it usually is when he's disappointed with Klaus (so, like, most of the time really). "I can _piss off_ if you want it so badly. Maybe the light is still there, who knows?" And it's nothing, he is not serious ~~is he?~~ just angry or maybe absorbing Klaus' bad vibes like he seems to do, but the reminder that it's Klaus's fault he's still here stings _so bad..._

__It's the simple idea of losing him, though, that takes his breath away._ _

A few hours without his brother pestering him about his bad habits? Peachy. Him gone forever? That's the worst thing he can imagine. He hurries to deny, almost screaming his first no before remembering Diego is sleeping. "No, Benny, you know I didn't mean it. I'm just tired. Just tired, yeah." In retrospect, maybe Klaus knows shit about codependency.

____

Ben's eyes soften and his body deflates like someone popped a balloon full of anger. He hops from the counter and floats (show-off) until he reaches the coach. Perched precariously on the armrest, he reminds Klaus of an oversized black cat, bathed in pink hues that don't create shadows on him. He produces a book from his hoodie, and find the bookmark he left there. "Then sleep, you moron. You'll end waking up Diego."

____

Klaus smile doesn't reach his eyes. "He'll forgive me." And _that_ is the problem. Klaus could try and be better, but not having someone keeping him accountable means he doesn't have to be. Diego can't be that person for him, it's at the core of their relationship; roots that go too deep to even try to eradicate them (Ben, of course, is missing the physicality of it; he _can't_ literally stop Klaus). It's all a fucking vicious circle -the only way to change things it to severe it so badly it will not ever be whole again, because he knows Diego will forgive him until that time he will not anymore and then, Klaus will be utterly devastated.

____

It's going to happen, sooner or later... so, the least he can do is control the way it will happen. If the pieces have to stay broken once Diego is gone, he wants to have a say in how they are going to break. The pressure point is still unknown to him, but he will find it. He can almost taste it on his tongue, venom and tears and shattered glass.

____

Diego has started snoring. Outside, a car honks, loud in the first hours of the morning, and someone laughs and runs away. There's a crow, cawing somewhere near the window. The city is waking up, slowly but surely. Klaus sighs. He needs another hit.

____

**Author's Note:**

> Klaus: "We AreN't LiKe AllIsOn AnD LuThEr." The Fandom: *scoffs* "Yeah, sure."
> 
> BTW, Klaus calling himself a "flawed, petty, wicked creature" is borrowed directly from our beloved Queen, the one and only Rowena MacLeod. It fits, don't you think? Even if Klaus was way kinder from the start, I have to say. : D


End file.
